Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday and Not to Who Someone Else Is Today
Finally, you might come to realize that the specifics of the many games you are playing are so unique to you, so individual, that comparison to others is simply inappropriate. Perhaps you are overvaluing what you don’t have and undervaluing what you do. There’s some real utility in gratitude. It’s also good protection against the dangers of victimhood and resentment.
In the past, we competed locally within a smaller competition pool, where it was easier to be in the top percentile of something. Now, we are able to make global comparisons across a larger competition pool, making it more difficult to be recognized. The best approach to this is to choose your own games to play.
When the internal critic puts you down using such comparisons, here’s how it operates: First, it selects a single, arbitrary domain of comparison... Then it acts as if that domain is the only one that is relevant. Then it contrasts you unfavourably with someone truly stellar, within that domain.
There are two types of comparisons which have utility but can be negative when taken too far:
Upward comparison: shows you where to aim but can also make you feel negative
Downward comparison: makes you feel better but can become a coping mechanism that inhibits action
Analyze why you think something is an appropriate comparison and target the negative emotion fuelling the comparison, and the desire to compare will decrease.
References
12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson